anatomy of an outfit 005

Recently, I wrote about the unlikely circumstances that culminated in my arrival and, ultimately, long-term residence in Berlin. Also on that list of "things I never thought would happen" would be my fluency in the German language. I went through the better half of my life only speaking my native tongue (English) and had about as much interest learning other languages and grammar as I did stabbing myself repeatedly in the eye with an ice pick (because what real other usage is there for an icepick than inflicting pain? Am I right, or am I right, Catherine Tramell?) - which is to say zero. This is surprisingly funny, because my life was always closely connected to foreign languages.

Like most Americans in the public school system, my academic relationship with languages began in the 8th grade and continued into the 12th. This relationship was pretty one-sided, with Spanish and Latin calling me up all the time, pretending to want to hang out and shit when really all they wanted to do was conjugate and translate words for hours. Needless to say, I graduated high school barely understanding the concept of direct and indirect objects.



My personal relationship with languages began much earlier. I was adopted from South Korea at 4 months old and shipped halfway across the world to a small southern town called Chantilly. There, I made my way into my new home. I was too young to have had learnt any Korean, so my mother tongue ended up being English. My adoptive parents, new york transplants, happened to be Jewish, so I grew up learning Hebrew. It's all a lot less impressive than it sounds, as I only learned how to phonetically read in order to recite religious prayers. To be honest, I wasn't exactly good at the language. This probably had a lot to do with the fact that learning prayers for Wednesday evening and Sunday morning religious school was the last thing I really wanted to do as a kid. Still, I credit my early exposure to a foreign language with helping me establish an understanding for languages as an adult. Because, in the end, I actually turned out to be pretty damned good at languages. The missing ingredient had just been the whole bit about actually being, you know, interested in languages.

This interest was finally sparked in university, when I decided to take Korean. My reasons were purely personal and not at all academic. It was a link to my lost heritage, a way to get closer to the culture of my homeland. (I had actually begun to learn Korean in high school at one of the local Korean churches in my hometown, but it was tailored for Korean Americans who already had a basic grasp of the language from growing up with it.) I didn't all of a sudden grow to love grammar, and I still did most of my studying last minute, but the language seemed to make logical sense to me. Unfortunately, as the class was independent study and only met once a week, there wasn't any real way for me to progress to any true level of fluency.



I don't exactly remember what happened, but I think I had to focus on other areas of study and learning Korean just sort of fell in rank of urgency. Knowing how to recite the time in Korean wasn't going to get my ass a degree - taking and passing classes in my major would. Fast forward to my decision to come to Germany, and my true love for languages was finally realized as I busted my butt to learn basic German over the summer before moving to Berlin. I can now speak German fluently, and although it did take a lot of hard work and commitment, I also feel as though the language just made sense to me. It wasn't all that difficult to learn. My grammar is still not perfect, as I learnt the bulk of my more complex German here in Berlin through usage and not in a classroom, but just the ability to communicate in another language without having to translate first is one of the most amazing gosh-darn feelings in the world. I can't even imagine a non bi-lingual life.

I have also not forgotten my goal of learning Korean, which has again become a focus for me not only now that I have "finished" learning German and have the mental space to take on another language but also because I plan to return to Korea in the near future. I didn't really have the time for more school, what with work and all, so I began trying to learn a bit from the Korean woman, whom I babysit for. She is the sweetest woman ever, but trying to learn a language from someone with no prior experience in teaching languages never really works out. As luck would have it, however, the language gods took pity on my struggle and granted me the gift of at-home learning; About a month ago, I was given the opportunity to use Rosetta Stone's online course, TOTALe.



Now before you get all mad and feel all betrayed and shit because this post has ended up including a sponsored item, I want you guys to know that I spend the majority of the time turning down most sponsored offers. I just do not have it in me to accept shittons of free things I would have never normally bought or frankly do not like. At the same time, the job of a blogger is a labor and time intensive one, and if a company would like to offer a product that I actually can see myself buying and using and if I also think a review could be beneficial to you guys, I think there is nothing wrong with doing so while still retaining my integrity. But more on that in a future post. Now that I got that out of the way, I am here to say that although I just started using TOTALe for Korean, my honest opinion is that it is a pretty damned good learning tool, especially for those who are out of university and do not have the time to sign up for night classes, but still want to tackle a foreign language. You can learn at your own pace and even repeat lessons, should you have to take any long hiatuses away from the computer. That being said, having to attend a regular class would increase your chances of consistent learning, but this is definitely a nice option for us busy bees. At $299 for twelve months, this baby is not cheap. Still, when I consider the hundreds I dropped for a month-long course at Goethe Institut for German, $299 is quite the bargain.

I confess that I have only had time to complete lesson two, and having already learnt the alphabet previously, I have a bit of a leg up on the game - but the way rosetta stone works is extremely logical and intuitive and doesn't even feel all that much like learning. New words are learned by association and process of elimination. TOTALe also reads aloud all of the phrases and words introduced in each lesson, which helps guarantee that you aren't going to completely fuck up the pronunciation, because who wants to be completely fluent in a foreign language if no one can understand a damned word coming out of your mouth? Sure, you could buy a workbook and try to learn, say Icelandic all on your own, but take my word for it - if you can't simply move to iceland and start engaging with locals straight away, do the next best thing - sign up for a course or be lazy like me and do it in your pijamas from the comfort of your bed.

lg, Rae
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photography & post-production: dean
sponsored by: rosetta stone, TOTALe

anatomy of an outfit 004

I have never been a fan of climate change, but I would be lying if I told you that the premature spring we are experiencing in Berlin isn't fucking awesome. Because, let's face it. It is. This time last year comparatively, went something like this:

10:00 AM - beautiful blue skies, sun shining.
Me: Well Berlin, it looks like today is going to be a beautiful day.
12:00 PM - clouds blanketing the sky, doom and gloom for miles.
Me: ...Nope. Nope. Nevermind. Silly me. How could I have possibly fallen for that one again?
Berlin:   /flounce
Me: Die.

Every. Damned. Day

Which reminds me of something else. I have been living in Berlin for nearly five years now. It's pretty mind blowing to think that the majority of my "adult life" has been spent overseas. If you would have told 18 year old me that one day I would be living here, 6 timezones away from everything familiar, with a flat in the former GDR speaking fluent German, I would not have believed you. When I envisioned my adult life, although I wasn't 100% sure where life would take me, I was relatively sure I would be living out the remainder of my life and ultimately die in the good ole' U S of A. I was never the stereotypical American, overly patriotic, with the notion that I was raised in the best nation on earth. Then again, I never was a stereotypical American. I bring this up because bleeding red white and blue can be a reason for having zero desire to travel outside of the States for little more than a 7 to 10 day holiday. Still, although I had always been quite interested in learning about different cultures, hoped to be a photojournalist travelling the world one day, and visit my birth country Korea again, it somehow never really dawned on me that the best way to learn about different cultures, and ultimately, yourself in the process, would be to uproot myself and live somewhere new for an extended period of time.




I did hop a plane to Bath, England to study abroad my junior year of college. But the decision to do so was spurred on by my current college boyfriend at the time, who had made plans to study abroad in Japan, not due to any particular desire on my part to live in a foreign country. Perhaps it was because I was young and stupid, but I thought that if I had to be so far away from my boyfriend, I might as well do it in a foreign country as well. It was a big mistake, because I just haphazardly picked a country that had no foreign language requirement (I only spoke English at the time) and I have learned that the prime motivation for doing anything needs to be yourself. The experience was less than savory. I was extremely miserable and the constant time difference, as well as a multitude of other problems, meant that my boyfriend at the time and myself were perpetually fighting. I was also part of a foreign exchange program and not at a proper university, which meant I was still surrounded by other Americans who I unfortunately did not click with. I was in a wretched state of mind as well and endured 4 months of hell, alone, lonely, and miserable. When I finally returned to the States, I was more than ecstatic to resume my normal life.





The pre-story of how Germany and I got together and started a full-blown relationship began a few months later when I opted to stay at college over the summer to take care of some credits. I ended up signing up for a course about Joschka Fischer. I didn't know anything about the green party politician, let alone the 1960s student movement in Germany, which he was a part of, but was required to take a class at the 300 level for my major and signed up. I was previously set on writing my thesis on a subject pertaining to american history, but fell in love with the post-war period in Germany and the concept of "Vergangenheitsbewältigung," or "coming to terms with the past." My direction changed, and I continued to take history courses about Germany and ultimately wrote my thesis on German post-war film. With senior year rolling towards a close, I began to think about where I would be heading next and wrote an email to the professor of the Joschka Fischer course. He offered me an internship in Berlin, and I accepted. A few months later, I arrived in Germany. And I have been here ever since.




Throughout these almost 5 years I have made new friends, lost some old, started a relationship after ending another, worked as an English teacher, had my first real break up & cried a shit ton, learned what it really meant to be painfully alone, grew a stronger backbone, partied until 10 AM, woke up with deadly Sunday hangovers, had some one night stands, dated, threw up in the u-bahn station, tried some illegal things, got a masters in German, began a new relationship, resumed my goals of becoming an artist of some sort, came to terms with my negative qualities, began to be proud of my positive ones, and learned that growing up is a terrifying and inevitable processes that often leaves one feeling pessimistic, alone, wonderful, terrible, and alive ... all at once. And all you really can do, is keep on going.

lg, Rae
instagram: lovefromberlin
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photography & post-production: dean

anatomy of an outfit 003

The last time I made a legitimate attempt at an outfit post was in march of last year which was just a little under a year ago. Why? I can assure you that it had nothing to do with laziness. The real reason I stopped posting outfits and then basically stopped posting all together had a lot to do with my increasingly tumultuous relationship with fashion, fashion blogging, and consumerism. There was a time when I was largely wide-eyed and innocent to the very things that I now find extremely questionable. I looked at fashion strictly as a form of self-expression - an extension of one's personal identity - as well as an art form. I disagreed with others who viewed fashion as nacissitisc and self indulgent. Where others saw an industry built on hierarchy, exclusionism, and blind consumerism, I respected and adored the creations of designers and marvelled in their creativity and ability to translate what they envisioned in their minds into items of clothing. Fashion was so misunderstood! And even those who scoffed at the world of fashion were not immune to it. After all, every social group had some type of "dress code" and even those who claimed to be above it all still considered how something would look on them before purchasing. We all have some measure of ego (which is completely okay!) not to mention the fact that we humans are extremely visual creatures. Even functionable things like chairs and placemats are designed to be visually attractive. I felt that no one put it better than good ole Miranda Priestly:

'This... stuff'? Oh. Okay. I see. You think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select... I don't know... that lumpy blue sweater, for instance because you're trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back. But what you don't know is that that sweater is not just blue, it's not turquoise. It's not lapis. It's actually cerulean. And you're also blithely unaware of the fact that in 2002, Oscar de la Renta did a collection of cerulean gowns. And then I think it was Yves Saint Laurent... wasn't it who showed cerulean military jackets? I think we need a jacket here. And then cerulean quickly showed up in the collections of eight different designers. And then it, uh, filtered down through the department stores and then trickled on down into some tragic Casual Corner where you, no doubt, fished it out of some clearance bin. However, that blue represents millions of dollars and countless jobs and it's sort of comical how you think that you've made a choice that exempts you from the fashion industry when, in fact, you're wearing the sweater that was selected for you by the people in this room from a pile of stuff.

Miranda Priestly

However, I was also ignoring things I didn't want to think about. My frequent visits to a certain expensive department store in west berlin (kadewe, i'm lookin at you) were spent roaming from store to store lusting after designer bags, shoes, sunglasses, wallets, keychains, and jewelry and, to tell you the truth, I wanted to own it all. A large part of me wanted to wrap my arms around a mulberry and never let go because of it's purely aesthetic value as well as it's value as a functional piece of artwork. I wanted to have a little piece of the designers I loved in my own possession. But I was also ignoring the fact that, whether or not we want to admit it, a subtantial sense of exclusivity does belong to the fashion industry: exclusitivty in terms of limited edition pieces and waiting lists that never do seem to make it down to the masses, as well as the exclusive financial bracket one had to belong to in order to afford such things. True, there's always the option of turning off the electricity for 6 months and eating ramen non stop until your sodium intake causes you to swell up and explode in order to afford that miu miu dress (but at least you will look good while doing it!), and many people do just that. But, just based on the sheer nature of being extremely expensive, luxury items are largely unattainable for most people.



I was also ignoring the fact that I did feel the slight need to validate myself when shopping at such stores by wearing designer pieces in order to be taken seriously by sales people, which is a really warped idea. Meanwhile, outside of the store I felt uneasy, turning my bags to face inward, lest a designer log be seen. Five years ago in Berlin, fashion that was not cheap or vintagey was pretty much shunned (for the right and wrong reasons). I was almost embarrased to walk around with designer duds. It was a strange dichotomy. Good ole retail therapy was also to blame, as shiny new things seemed to make getting over a bad breakup more bareble. On a broader level though, I still loved self-expression through fashion and was blogging full force. I took outfit pictures relatively regularly and devoted a lot of time to my blog. It was around this time that my blog began to get more recognized and I was able to attend some events during fashion week. And this is when everything sort of fell the fuck apart. None of the parties I attended seemed to live up to what I had thought they would be like and in the process of networking like the best of them, I sort of lost sight in who I was. Simultaneously though, I was finding much of the scene utterly unattractive. So many people were more concerned with promoting themselves with the hopes of becoming famous or scoring lots of free merchandise than meeting like-minded people who wanted to talk about fashion. And with invite-only events, the feeling of exclusivity found their way to these events as well.

All of a sudden, the free Über taxi felt less like an exciting fairy tale and more like a declaration of status. I would be lying if I said that it was all bad. Not everyone was a jerk, and it would be completely wrong of me to condemn all of my fellow bloggers who enjoy events like these because they can be fun. They should be fun. They just shouldn't make people turn their nose up at others. And I began to see how easily people got swepped up into this kind of lifestyle. I love a good party just like the next person nor I am 100% immune to the allure of luxury. But I don't want to make others feel left out in the process. In addition to the social aspects which I found slightly troubling, was my actual consumption. I was very enthusiastic about researching fashion trends for the various seasons and learning about specific designers, which I still think is legitimate because it is dealing with the artistry behind fashion rather than the blind consumption. But in the process of discovering designers and trends, I wanted to incorporate those new pieces into my own wardrobe. I also felt that as a fashion blogger it was my job to keep my readers up to date with trends as well as blog about recent purchases. My life had begun to revolve around consumption.



My knee-jerk reaction was just to give the ole blog a fuck-you very much to fashion, and sort of retreat from the blogosphere entirely. And for a time, it felt good. But inevitably I began to miss blogging and the interaction with the blogging community. So about a month ago I began to dedicate my time trying to get reaquainted with my blog. At first, it was like awkwardly slow dancing at prom, but me and my blog slowly started getting to know each other better. I traded in fashion posts for text-heavy numbers. My readership had dropped drastically, as I was basically non-existent for the better half of a year. I didn't particularly mind though, because as I began to gain new readers, they were there because they were interested in what I had to say and not just looking at pictures of me in cute outfits. But then I thought, hey wait a minute, why can't i try to incorporate both?

I don't want to strictly be a fashion blogger, because I have other interests, and there are a lot of things I still haven't been able to reconcile about the fashion industry. I used to love watching shows like Fashion Police. Now I see how it is a parading of wealth and gives viewers the idea that luxury is the definition of the good life. But I also see how much passion the hosts have for fashion and how knowledable they are about the construction of garments and what particular parings are appropriate. But let's also bring this discussion back to the blogger level for jsut a second. Bloggers are not just there to post 20 some pictures of the same outfit and have their ego stroked. Just kidding! Some really are. But in all seriousness, blogging also takes a shit ton of time and dedication. Bloggers are also giving something to their readers, they are opening up about their lives and posting about it on the internet in order to give readers interesting content. Now I know bloggers aren't out there curing cancer, but they are offering a free and legal form of entertainment. Bloggers (as well as vloggers) can also be seen as a modern form of escapism from the more serious and pressing matters in our lives, which is probably why they are just do gosh darn popular to begin with. Lord knows I definitely watch my favorite youtubers back to back when I just wanna "feel pretty and girly." (Don't lie, you do it too.)



In terms of our own consumption, let's face it, none of us can be on a constant crusade for justice, running around in hand-sewn hemp sacks, eschewing all forms of wordly pleasures for the sake of the better good, with the exception of a very special few who remind us how pitifully human we are (like, say, oh I don't know, Ghandi, Mother Theresa or Nelson Mandela,) Besides as I have previously stated, I am a firm believer in taking care of oneself, and part of taking care of oneself is treating yourself to lovely things now and then. No one ever said owning a Prada bag in itself was sin incarnate. If you save up for that bag, kudos to you! You earned it! It's just a matter of not running wild with it, not turning a blind eye to the more questionable aspects of fashion and the consumption of fashion, and still being a socially and ethically conscience human being. Bottom line? Just don't be an asshole, okay?

What I guess I am getting at after talking your ear off for about 30 minutes is that nothing is ever really one sided, and fashion is certainly no exception. It's quite safe to say that I have a complicated love-hate relationship with it that I can't exactly end, but am not always happy being in. Sometime's I am yelling, "just give me some space, goddamnit!" and other times I am pleading with a pair of black boots to love me forever. I still haven't quite figured it out, but while I am still brooding over this serious first world problem, I guess I can find time to make an outfit post here and there.

lg, Rae
instagram: lovefromberlin
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photography & post-production: dean

anatomy of an outfit 002

currently residing in san diego, and with another outfit post, to boot! yesterday was spent at the san diego zoo. now i have to admit that i am usually not a fan of zoos - squalid conditions and caged animals tend to make me rather depressed. however, the san diego zoo, which houses over 3,700 animals of more than 650 species and subspecies (thanks, wikipedia!) is also an international conservation organization and has worked toward the preservation of endangered species like the california condor, the giant panda, tigers, and a number of other species. witnessed some naaastay mating practices by the giraffes - there was pee drinking involved, that is all i am going to say - fell in love with the meerkats (which are equal parts cute and industrious), and marveled at the big cats. lunch was spent in the nearby park at prado, where i snapped these pics.
anatomy of this outfit: threw on this sheer new dress and slip from free people - both of which i picked up in santa barbara. toughened the whole thing up with my "leather" jacket from h&m and a pair of black boots. these boots, which i spotted at beyond retro in stockholm and consequently snatched up, work so well with an outfit like this because of their pointed toe and fringe detail. it keeps things rough, but still a little bit "prairie". it was also high time to pull out my signature hat with such amazing warm weather here in california. have to say i feel ready to hop in a beat-up red pick up truck, and make my way to coachella (windows down, sun shining, and wind in my hair) despite the fact that coachella is 28 days away and i do not posses a ticket.

lg, Rae
instagram: lovefromberlin
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anatomy of an oufit 001

now i know at this point in time, you are probably scratching your head and asking yourself, is that what i think i is? an outfit of the day post? but these are so few and far in between! why yes, yes folks it is. and taken none other than my fabulous mother who obviously has some fashion blogging photography skills to boot! currently snuggled under the covers in malibu, but thought to share these snapshots from yesterday that we took before heading out to santa monica pier. really loved the pier in all its kitchy canival-tastic glory. didn't get a chance to indulge in cotton candy or ride the mighty mouse but i am saving that for next time, with the idea in mind that it would definitely make an insanely adorable day trip with *that special someone*. feels sort of like a retro fantasy dream. visited the getty villa yesterday as well, which was impressive to say the least, so will be posting some more photos of the touristy variation soon! not too much else to report, except for sunshine, surf, and warm weather. heading out to LA today, and crossing my fingers that i will love it out there.
and now on to the more important and pressing details of this post: the anatomy of this outfit. finally got my hands on a light denim circle skirt from american apparel, which i picked up in santa barbara a few days ago. paired it with this fabulous fred perry gingham top, super cute kitty face tights from oasap.com and my trusty aldo wedges which i wear so often, they have stretched out and now cause me to trip at really convenient times while trying to give off the illusion of being graceful. threw my beyond retro tote over my shoulder, and was good to go. i call this my modern wizard of oz look. it's sort of the love child of a rockabilly babydoll and a fred perry clad skinhead chick all tied together with a pretty dorothy gale aesthetic. what's that you say? dorothy wore blue? irrelevant!
any suggestions for where to eat and shop in la?

lg, Rae
instagram: lovefromberlin
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museum insel

last night i was able to catch up with my friend diana. she came over for dinner and we hung out on the deck and just did a lot of catching up. i have been testing out my camera as well and running around taking care of lots of unfunny things like going to the dentist. i also just realized that i never shared these photos with you, which is perfect, since i am still playing with my new camera and do not have any new photos to share with you all yet. this is an outfit i wore the day wingyi and i visited the german history museum and flew to vienna. i am wearing a blazer from zara, blouse from zara, shorts from a vintage store from paris, h&m tights, h&m shoes, a beret from uo, and a tote bag from one teaspoon. the weather was still quite chilly which is why i am so heavily dressed! i think this is a great updated schoolgirly outfit due to the blazer and the beret, which really just makes this the perfect outfit to wear to a trip to the museum!

the small purple sticker is the sticker from the museum. 

i liked it so it is still sitting on my blazer.

a side shot where you can see the design on the tote quite well

hope you enjoyed!

lg, Rae

walking again.

hello lovelies, just a quick entry. i went to the doctor's today and found out that everything with my foot is fine. i have to wear a bandage around it for a while, and i should try to give it a bit of a break, but overall, everything is fine! i am so happy with the good news and very thankful to my good friend norman for coming with me and keeping me company. of course i was so silly this morning in a rush to get out of the house and so concentrated on moving about on crutches i forgot my other shoe, so i still had to use the crutches to get me home, but i could not be more excited today. anyway here is a photo from me today, while i was out with azura. the knee socks and backpack make this outfit a bit of a "catholic-schoolgirl-meets-fhain, berlin" feel. you will also notice i am wearing flat shoes. i will have to be doing that for a few weeks now. so no heels for me for a while :( i also talked to some really nice guys at goodies (the cafe) today. one runs a really interesting blog, called http://coffeediary.it/ . basically, you can upload any of your photos of coffees and they will be uploaded to the website. it is a great source of community :) the other guy has a website as well called http://makersand.co/ full of a lot of interesting technological endeavors. i suggest you check them both out if you have a moment! 

p.s. this photo was taken with instagram, so go ahead and find me there and add me if you like! @raeatloveforschoolgirl

lg, Rae

blogroll

Be sure to check out some of my favorite blogs:

a beautiful mess
bloomzy
ellalogy
lefashionisto
littlehenrylee
niotillfem

photography/visual blogs:
paco and betty
local milk